I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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