i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
