I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
