Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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