People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
