She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
