Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
