I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
