and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
