Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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