Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
