I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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