i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
