I hate all girls vehemently.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
