I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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