I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
