Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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