The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
