Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
