she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
