i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
