apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
