I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
