On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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