Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
