Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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