I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
