you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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