His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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