I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
