Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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