How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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