oh god the rape fog is back!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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