he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
