Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
