He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
