Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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