i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
