singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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