Cold hands, warm shart.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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