I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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