I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
