Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Text me some of your sweat
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