why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
