my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
