We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
