the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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