we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
