Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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