your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
