My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He did a backflip because drugs
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