i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
