her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
