I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
