and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
