Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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